DON'T SNORT COCAINE AND DRIVE (IF YOU WANT TO BE MY GIRL)



performed on:
One of the first Plaastik songs to be intentionally phased out, this blistering favorite at early Plaastik shows, with a distinct garage-band feel and a rap about elements from Jay Kay Ray, was an encore feature at most of the 1981 performances. The most beloved rendition of it among bootleggers is an hour-long New Year's Eve 1980 variation which segues at will into "96 Tears," "Tighten Up," and other nuggets from the band's usual lively cover catalog. Although Nick Parker has said he likes the song, he also considers it to be in need of a rewrite, and at least one band member -- Jeff Jooce -- reportedly hates it. By late 1981 the song was being played with far less enthusiasm, and it only appeared at the first two shows on the Goldfish tour before being dropped from the set, never to return despite pleas from fans (including some really really loud ones at the 11/19/01 show).

Little to no information is known about recorded versions except that one exists and was in the running at some point as a b-side for "Hot Glass"; early acetates and press material proves this beyond doubt. What isn't known is when this version would have been recorded and why it was not issued. One imagines that the track would have inevitably been attempted in the GOLDFISH sessions, but it's been widely reported that almost none of the regular setlist features aside from those on the EP were worked on at the sessions, and the band certainly sounds sick of the song in dates just prior to that studio retreat, even skipping the rap a couple of nights and allowing the song to slip into a meandering jam on another.

Thanks to this website, the song apparently caused a band rift in 2002. Tina Singleton, who had never heard the song, read about it here and asked Nick to play it for her then the band began to seriously consider releasing it. Jeff Jooce was infuriated and ultimately was able to prevent this.


Partying out in the back of the car
Without a driver you don't get too far
But it doesn't matter to me, babe
You they'll always try to enslave
Sweetheart, I don't want much
Just to feel your soft touch
Stupid, I know you never were
But one think I ask you to serve..

Don't snort cocaine and drive
Don't snort cocaine and drive
Don't snort cocaine and drive
If you want to be my girl

You can drink all the beer
And smoke cigars, my dear
Guzzle down a lotta wine
Honey, that's just fine
I don't care about the pot
I think it's pretty hot
When you're stoned, you rock my world
Still, one thing makes me hurl

Please, darlin'
Don't snort cocaine and drive
Don't snort cocaine and drive
Don't snort cocaine and drive
If you want to be my girl

Now I know that you've got class
And quite a healthy little ass
You're beautiful and kind
You're sweet and smart and mine
So hold me as here we lay
"Ladies first," I always say
So unzip and slip and feel our gravity
And you'll feel some Southern hospitality

But please, baby! Please! Please! Please!
Don't snort cocaine and drive
Don't snort cocaine and drive
Don't snort cocaine and drive
If you want to be my girl

Yo, zinc is pretty fuckin' cool
Hydrogen's really neat
Me and my hos, we like da silicon
Brothas up wit' da argon shit can't be beat
They wrap up da crack in da aluminum
Put da gold and da' silva up in yo teeth
Superman ain't down wit no krypton
Everybody be needin' oxygen to breathe
My woman stays home wit da codine
Da radon, da nitrogen, they all kick ass
Neon and mercury keep it real for the streets
Unnilennium be up with da atomic mass
All these elements be badass, yo!
They essential for modern, efficient homes
Helium's my G, but I ain't down wit da drugs
If you snort that shit, you best be offa the road

Don't snort cocaine and drive
Don't snort cocaine and drive
Don't snort cocaine and drive
If you want to be my girl