*½
CLOCKTOWER (1975)
Capitol Records

You want irony? Check this out. Jonathan Harvey, frontman for this most pretentious of arty prog-rock dinosaur bands, accused Peter Gabriel of "excess" during the height of Gabriel's mid-'80s popularity long after his Genesis stint. Never mind that Harvey is responsible for some of the most bloated excuses for rock ever produced.

From its cover, featuring the band's name in a "Medieval" font along with a corny painting of a Roman clock being struck by lightning, to the two-part, forty-five minute opus "Wrath of the Storm," this is anything but an auspicious debut. Featuring painful extended synthesizer jams, overblown "Bohemian Rhapsody"-like rock opera harmonies, and an onerous narrated "storybook" section, "Wrath of the Storm" belongs in a hall of shame for "progressive" insanity.

Admittedly, the jazz fusion of "Finding Our Way Home" (featuring the great Red "The Man" Crawford on saxophone) has its nostalgic charm, but there's nothing redeemable about "Ah My Machine," the first three minutes of which are a single note of white noise growing louder and louder, and the demeaning "Dwarf Hotel," which uses its "characters" and "skits" as an attempt at pop single stardom, which unfortunately worked, even at an 8:25 running time.

The most laughable moment would have to be "Terror Beneath the Bridge," which actually makes some kind of attempt to frighten the listener but mostly just steals ideas from the Velvet Underground, Edgar Allan Poe, Alfred Hitchcock, the Grimm Brothers, and God knows who else. It also contains no music whatsoever except the occasional tap of a triangle or irritating whirl of a theremin. I think there's a xylophone in there somewhere too, but basically it's just awful rhyming lyrics spoken by Harvey that seem to go on forever. It's pretty representative of everything else here.

Clocktower enjoyed a prosperous run at the top of the album charts for years to come, the most successful followup being CLOCKTOWER VI, which was nominated for numerous Grammys but lost on every count to TOTO IV. By the mid-'80s, Harvey was the only original member left and he keeps the band going to this day, releasing roughly one album every ten years. (The long out-of-print CLOCKTOWER IX is their most recent, from 1992.) They tour occasionally but generally refuse because their tours require "special treatment"... that is, enough space and the right lighting to put on plays, prepare sets and lighting and special effects, etc. Usually, according to a recent interview with Harvey, they prefer to play skating rinks but the opportunity has not risen since around 1988. Go figure (no pun intended).


Tracklist:
1. Ah My Machine
2. Secrets of the Gears
3. Wrath of the Storm (Part 1: Twilight)
4. Finding Our Way Home (Ik Bn Er Un Ra B)
5. Dwarf Hotel
6. Wrath of the Storm (Part 2: No I Don't Speak the Language Mr. Daniels Mr. Daniels)
7. Terror Beneath the Bridge