CHOOSE YOUR OWN DEATH
#1: Beyond the Door of Eternal Doom!

WARNING
Hello there. My name is Nathan Phillips. This is my High School English III writing assignment. But it is no ordinary writing assignment! For you see, this story is about you! Not other people, not even me, but you! It is not the usual boring linear storyline to which you are so often subjected in literature. You make the choices that decide your fate! Because the decisions you choose from, the random events, and the results of your actions are decided by me, the writer, as opposed to you, the reader, your influence over your own existence is only marginal, therefore making this story less like an excursion into individuality and more like real life! As eager as I know you are to dig into this slab of terrifying new dimensions for your soul, I must order you to beware! Beyond this point lie many shocks, some of which could cause extreme fright... even death! Prepare yourself.

You and your best pals have always loved telling stories. Oh, how these lively tales pump life into your miniscule, humdrum existence! Such pleasures mean the world to you because, alas, they're all you have.

Whenever your friends Vera and Chuck are vacationing, though, it gets lonely in your world. It gets even lonelier when your entire street goes on various vacations for no apparent reason barring coincidence. The place is deserted. What a strange town, you think. It has always been this way; people drive on the wrong side of the road through quiet neighborhoods, there's a beach supply store at every corner even though you're nowhere close to the beach, most meals consist of Fritos fifty times each evening. Strange place to be, but pleasant enough, except a day like today when nothing is happening. Pretty sad scene for a young whippersnapper like yourself.

One morning in this incredibly dull week, you finally hear the sounds of civilizaton. It's the trashman. But wait! This is no ordinary trashman! He's a strange, short little man in Warhol sunglasses driving a van with the word "TRASH" crudely marked in painted white letters on the side. You know something is amiss already, but your suspicions really set on fire when you see his shirt, carrying a systematic-looking block letter message that proclaims "I AM THE TRASHMAN. DO NOT TALK TO ME." Then you notice what he's doing; he's already stolen your trash can and is now inexplicably snatching up rogue blades of grass and shoveling them into his mouth, wolfing them down fiercely. Dear me, what's the world coming to? WHAT SHOULD YOU DO NEXT!?

If you ignore the guy and go watch TV, click here.

If you pile into your sports car and follow him, click here.